In the 80s when you're thirteen years old you've got a lot of strange new physical territory to explore. For me, that meant the bunking school with Hirak, Anando, Raj and the group. None of us were the world's greatest make-out experts, but we figured all we had to do was waiting for the sign from the opposite sex.
“The Opposite Sex”, Whoa! This is when I realised that people in my class who were in skirts were the desirables. A different species, a different zone, Unchartered, Unknown, Unimaginable, Unfathomable and Unforgettably Desirable. Well not all of them off course. An arm around the shoulder, succinctly in the darkness of Globe Cinema while watching Karate Kid, bunking school. Holding hands when no one’s watching and maybe a lucky kiss. That was when the stars explode in your head and illuminate you in the celestial light. You walk on clouds.
In 1980s my illuminati was Nayana (name changed for obvious reasons). And so the days passed, carefree and lighthearted. I seemed to have found a truce in the war of the sexes that was there even till the year before. Everything was simple and fun. In other words, it had to end. Getting Nayana to like me like me was not easy. It was a multilayered process. Gathering intelligence was vital in this operation. Reliable sources were her friend, her neighbor in class, her lab partner and even sometimes from the most unexpected sources like her goofy kid brother in Grade 6. Answers were imperative for life threatening queries like “Does she like me?”, “Why doesn’t she talk to me?” or (UGH) “Is she mad at me for something?” And answers usually varied from a positive “She does”, lifting you atop the school building or even “She is booked” burying you under the gym equipment of the PE room or even vague ones as the one that I got from Ellora “She's not mad at you. She likes you. She's not sure if she "likes you" likes you, but she likes you. When she first liked you she "liked you" liked you, unless she just thought she liked you when she really just liked you.” This was tougher than Chemistry.
What does she want me to do? Do I approach her? She's waiting for me to make the right move, isn't she? What's the right move? Should I give her something? And I guess it was then it first occurred to me: I really didn't understand girls. I mean--and let me be absolutely clear about what I mean I really didn't understand girls. After nights of contemplation to call Nayana or not one night I caught up on something I'd needed to do for a long time. I just shut the door and lay down on the bed and put in two hours of good, solid, adolescent self-pity ...until Nayana got home from her Singing lessons (Something Girls did those days withouth the wont of Reality Shows).
I intended to walk over to her house at the pretext of getting some Biology notes and pop her quintessential question. As I was about to leave, my dad casually had asked “Can't this wait till tomorrow?” A reasonable question, but at the moment I was not a reasonable man. I just had to know if she liked me or not. And I had asked her after procuring the notes "Well, Do you like me". There was this reaaaalllly long pause. I remember impatiently I had added “And don't give any of that "like me" like me stuff”. Well, that was it: a straightforward, face-to-face, yes-or-no question. And I was going to stand there until I got my answer till eternity, till Im thrown out of the house, till dinner time. To my surprise and utter shock she said “I don't know”, "I don't know"! What do you mean you don't know? I exasperated She repeated “I mean I don't know. I really don't know”. This time on the verge of tears. She said looking softly at me “I wish everyone would just leave me alone”. This was something new. I mean, I always figured girls knew exactly what they wanted. They knew; they had a plan. Or maybe they didn't. Maybe they were just as confused as we were. Isn't that great? It--it's horrible. They don't know either. That means nobody knows.
As I stood there that cold night, I realized for the first time in a long time that Nayana and I were feeling the same thing. We were both completely miserable and confused. But hopeful of finding a way out of this mess, someday, somewhere, with somebody. In silence we decided to find out. Now thousands and miles a couple of children and a husband away I’m sure she found out what we had looked for that night standing at the corner of Vivekananda Park. A place I had vsisited a million times later, but the way it had taken me that Nov night in 1988
I have been loving you too long!
“The Opposite Sex”, Whoa! This is when I realised that people in my class who were in skirts were the desirables. A different species, a different zone, Unchartered, Unknown, Unimaginable, Unfathomable and Unforgettably Desirable. Well not all of them off course. An arm around the shoulder, succinctly in the darkness of Globe Cinema while watching Karate Kid, bunking school. Holding hands when no one’s watching and maybe a lucky kiss. That was when the stars explode in your head and illuminate you in the celestial light. You walk on clouds.
In 1980s my illuminati was Nayana (name changed for obvious reasons). And so the days passed, carefree and lighthearted. I seemed to have found a truce in the war of the sexes that was there even till the year before. Everything was simple and fun. In other words, it had to end. Getting Nayana to like me like me was not easy. It was a multilayered process. Gathering intelligence was vital in this operation. Reliable sources were her friend, her neighbor in class, her lab partner and even sometimes from the most unexpected sources like her goofy kid brother in Grade 6. Answers were imperative for life threatening queries like “Does she like me?”, “Why doesn’t she talk to me?” or (UGH) “Is she mad at me for something?” And answers usually varied from a positive “She does”, lifting you atop the school building or even “She is booked” burying you under the gym equipment of the PE room or even vague ones as the one that I got from Ellora “She's not mad at you. She likes you. She's not sure if she "likes you" likes you, but she likes you. When she first liked you she "liked you" liked you, unless she just thought she liked you when she really just liked you.” This was tougher than Chemistry.
What does she want me to do? Do I approach her? She's waiting for me to make the right move, isn't she? What's the right move? Should I give her something? And I guess it was then it first occurred to me: I really didn't understand girls. I mean--and let me be absolutely clear about what I mean I really didn't understand girls. After nights of contemplation to call Nayana or not one night I caught up on something I'd needed to do for a long time. I just shut the door and lay down on the bed and put in two hours of good, solid, adolescent self-pity ...until Nayana got home from her Singing lessons (Something Girls did those days withouth the wont of Reality Shows).
I intended to walk over to her house at the pretext of getting some Biology notes and pop her quintessential question. As I was about to leave, my dad casually had asked “Can't this wait till tomorrow?” A reasonable question, but at the moment I was not a reasonable man. I just had to know if she liked me or not. And I had asked her after procuring the notes "Well, Do you like me". There was this reaaaalllly long pause. I remember impatiently I had added “And don't give any of that "like me" like me stuff”. Well, that was it: a straightforward, face-to-face, yes-or-no question. And I was going to stand there until I got my answer till eternity, till Im thrown out of the house, till dinner time. To my surprise and utter shock she said “I don't know”, "I don't know"! What do you mean you don't know? I exasperated She repeated “I mean I don't know. I really don't know”. This time on the verge of tears. She said looking softly at me “I wish everyone would just leave me alone”. This was something new. I mean, I always figured girls knew exactly what they wanted. They knew; they had a plan. Or maybe they didn't. Maybe they were just as confused as we were. Isn't that great? It--it's horrible. They don't know either. That means nobody knows.
As I stood there that cold night, I realized for the first time in a long time that Nayana and I were feeling the same thing. We were both completely miserable and confused. But hopeful of finding a way out of this mess, someday, somewhere, with somebody. In silence we decided to find out. Now thousands and miles a couple of children and a husband away I’m sure she found out what we had looked for that night standing at the corner of Vivekananda Park. A place I had vsisited a million times later, but the way it had taken me that Nov night in 1988
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