Lingerie Vs Underwear. There can hardly be an adequate comparison about them. In utterance the former formidably comes out as this sheer melodious waft of a Mediterranean wind blowing playfully through the ...clarinet of the Gods. You can actually close your eyes and see the true blue oceans, white pristine beaches and the aroma of the rich and famous skittering all over you like a gullible good feeling that comes rarely. Now try and say “Underwear”. Like me, most of you (even women) would surely experience aurally a blunt thud of a bag of sand being dropped at a Mid Saharan construction site from one of those vile looking construction trucks that often block your passage on the expressway. I can even compare it with the sound of a grumbling Baniya at Burra Baazar whose diet of curry daal had gone volatile inside. I have over the years given this subject a very detailed study. It had pleasurably revealed a lot of very critical aspect that can be a cornerstone in the battle of the sexes. Bras have been vital and I have been told of Rock Legends and Movie Stars had diligently evaluated performances by the number of Bras thrown on stage. Now in my adolescent years I was exposed engagingly to the Bra commercials (mainly Print) of B3, VIP and later Loveables. Not all dailies had them. They were studied with a great deal of reverie inside the Boy’s Toilets. Bikini snaps of MoonMoon Sen and Dimple Kapadia (remember Crowning Glory) were no short of a sexual nuclear attack. I was quite intrigued by its delicate engineering especially the straps and the little ring that held the straps to the body. Well that was art. Now Bras have been taken over by Engineering. I remember one of the more enterprising of the fellows in school had once smuggled in a sample. Well needless to say there was suppressed uproar inside the Boy’s Toilet during the Lunch hour. I could barely touch the material for about 2 and a half second. But when I touched and what I touched was NO BAPI JANGIYA. It was celestial. It was soft. It was supple. It was everything a 13 year old sexuality could be. There were definitely concentrated focus during monsoon when the girls shirts used to get wet outlining the Bra. However the same can never be said about RUPA GENJEE (Vests). I have had some very close women friends who were quite candid about everything but none ever mentioned even faintly eyeballing Sunny Deol in RUPA Frontline Ad inside the girl’s toilet, or ever holding the Men’s Inner with the same reverie as we did. Well vests were never handed down to boys by fathers in secret ceremonies confirming their leap from Boyhood to Manhood as were Bras. When a girl is 12-13, her mum buys her a splendidly silly article of clothing called a training bra. To train for what I wonder. I never had a training jock. And believe me, when I played football, I could have used a training jock more than any twelve-year-old needs a training bra. On looking back I can robustly say that Bras themselves held a stronger interest than what they used to cover. I am sure all would unanimously agree that the sight of Simi Garewal in a Bra was thousand times more erotic than all the Porn you have ever seen. Well since then Engineers have gone ahead and made a science out of this objet du art. Bras have been defined I feel with the same secret coding as has been used for Uranium 36C, 32D, 32E, well something that you would get to hear in 007 movies. Something I intend to master within this life time.
With the recent announcement that 600 year-old bras were found in Lemberg Castle in the Austrian Tyrol, historical romance writers of big-bosomed heroines may breathe easier. We may now confidently rig bra-like foundation garments for our ladies of the past, should they require them. For decades, writers have struggled to balance the received wisdom that bras were not used before the early twentieth century with the imagined discomfort of active heroines doing bouncy things like riding horses and running through the woods without adequate support.
Somebody said that Bras are a ludicrous invention; but if you make bralessness a rule, you're just subjecting yourself to yet another repression. Well I for one prefer my women to peel off slowly as I strongly believe that first rule of cleavage: it's not how low you go, but where and when you show. Lately this delicate and gentle object has become the objection of unruly, cowardly and some barbaric women who believe that sexual supremacy can be achieved by Burning Bras. Well Attila the Hun, Nadir Shah who destroyed art and civilization had the same philosophy I guess. I want to someday write a book called, "Bonfires and Bras," which follows around a young, braless feminist who struggles to adopt in air conditioned rooms, as her hardened nipples cause her excess embarrassment. On growing up I realized that most women wear the wrong type of Bras. Research revealed that Bras vary between styles and manufacturers, so you really need to try on any bra before you buy it. Bras come with three sets of hooks, but when you buy it should be comfortable on the largest setting. Over time the bra will stretch, and you'll use the next two sets of hooks to tighten the fit. Washing by hand is best, but you can wash bras in a lingerie bag in the washer. Use a mild detergent, like baby shampoo, to protect the lace and elastic; regular detergent is too harsh. All breast tissue should rest inside the cups, and the center point between the cups should hit you in the center of your breastbone. All this yap to prove that I did study this subject.
I guess 1994 remains a holy year for all us Bra lovers, it’s when Sam and Sara Stein released the WonderBra that made sculptures out of sagging breasts and boring socialites. Nowadays the shy and sensitive white Bra that revealed itself demurely on rain soaked actresses has become nonexistent and women nowadays are coming out of the closet Bra-wise speaking. Bras are now more loud, flashy, colourful, vivid and some really cheap (plastic straps). It is chic if your Bra strap shows provided your are wearing the right brand. Something that can’t be said when your Calvin Klein vests peek out of your Golf Tees. Bras are also becoming nefariously deceitful (Padded Bra) that can create havoc on revelation to lover’s expectation. Companies like Veronica’s Closet, Naomis, Nordstorms have made Bras more organized with optimum storage spaces and can surpass the GDP of Bangladesh. The revolution Mary Phelps Jacobs had started had really come a long way and men’s vests are nowhere to be seen artistically, sinfully, immorally and sexually. But nevertheless I love them and if I could ever be reincarnated as a fabric, I would come back as a 38 double-D bra.
